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Laurie* was upset—sad, angry, frustrated, and hurt. Her boss had praised a colleague and ignored her, even though they had both been equal members of the team that had done the project. “I get why I’m upset,” she said, “but usually I roll with these things. Next time I’ll get the credit. But I just keep revisiting it in my head, and it’s making it hard for me to get my other work done.”
Depression isn’t always obvious. In fact, some people go to great lengths to hide the symptoms of depression from the people around them — concealing the problem so well that they themselves may scarcely recognize it.
It’s the easiest advice in the world to give, and it’s perhaps the hardest advice in the world to follow: “Don’t worry about it.”
It sounds so easy, doesn’t it? “Don’t worry about it.” That’s the kind of clichéd phrase we toss out in conversation a dozen times a day without thinking: “Take it easy,” “keep an eye out,” “go with your gut.” Such platitudes are basically meaningless; they’re also basically harmless; and sometimes they can give you a little nudge in the right direction.
Many people’s frame of reference for grief comes from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief. In her analysis, a grieving person will move through denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. And while all of these may be part of the grief experience, the simplified description of these phrases fails to chart the wide emotional range of experiences a grieving person may experience. Here are some other emotional experiences a grieving person may encounter.
You stare at your bedroom ceiling, willing yourself to go to sleep. Thoughts race through your head, holding your mind hostage. Or you ruminate on the awkward conversation you had with your boss on the way home from work.
Consider some of the powers of saying “no.”
In relationships, stating “no” can be used to argue with, to protest about, to refuse, to defend, or to block something unwanted from going on.
Anna, an ad executive, was just back from her annual meeting in Hawaii. When I asked how she was feeling, she laughed and said, "Well, it feels great to have the presentation behind me, and the board loved what I came up with!" I wasn’t surprised to hear she had done well. She always did. She smiled and shrugged, "So now, it’s on to the next!"
We all have those moments when we come unglued. We’ve probably had a few more of those than usual this past year. This time period has tested us in entirely new ways, and more likely than not, we can all recount a recent example of flipping our lid.